This site gets far less traffic than my other site, Squaremans, but this kind of post is more fanboyish and contains no insight and therefore I felt it more appropriate to my own personal site. Yes, this site exists to build readership for my novel, but it can be other things too!

Rumors are swirling that Joseph Gordon-Levitt is “interested” in the role of The Riddler for Batman 3. I saw Inception twice over the weekend and was impressed twice. JGL is great in it, playing the icy operations specialist, the main character’s right-hand man. He’s not given a lot to do in the movie, but I was left with the strong impression that he could do more. I think he might have been able to pull off the main role there.

I’ve watched fan speculation on a third Batman movie featuring the Riddler and I’m often turned off, alarmed, at how absurd some of the ideas are. So few people seem to understand what makes Nolan’s Batman series so successful. The strange thing is, if Warner Bros. listened to the fans, this Batman series would more and more resemble the absurdity that the last Batman series plunged into, and which everyone rejected.

But I flatter myself to think that I get it, so let’s imagine that Christopher Nolan went insane and asked me to pitch him a Nolan-directed Batman 3, with the Riddler as the main villain. Here’s how I’d do it.

First, I would never call him The Riddler, I would never put him in a costume, I would never use the completely bullshit name, E Nigma. I don’t see any virtue in calling out who the guy is, or is meant to be, and I feel one of the weak points in Superhero movies is when people act in a manner that only makes sense if they know they’re in a movie. Christian Bale saying “I’m Batman!” in Batman Begins is one such moment. What’s important is the character, what he wants, what he does, and how Batman/Bruce Wayne reacts to him. Everyone in the audience will get it, there’s no need to call it out.

Second, I would accept as a premise that in the next movie, the cops are hunting Batman for the deaths caused by Two Face. I feel very strongly as though Aaron Eckhart was the unsung hero of The Dark Knight and if I could find a way to bring him back, give his character some pathos, I would. Note that I would not be doing this because I felt that the sequels need “more villains,” I’d be doing it because I want to see more of that actor in this role and I feel his story isn’t over. So hunting the Batman for the deaths caused by Two-Face in the last movie let’s me kill two birds with one stone.

Because I want to create a tension within the Gotham Police Force. Gordon knows what happened. He knows Batman, he knows Batman didn’t do it, and furthermore knows Batman is a force for good. The city needs him.

But the rest of the cops, or I should say the bulk of them, do not know this. They want to arrest the Batman. There’s pressure on the street, there’s pressure in the media, and the cops want to show they’re the real heroes and Batman is a dangerous lunatic.

The spokesperson for this point of view is, well let’s cast Joseph Gordon-Levitt, why not? He plays a young, hotshot Lieutenant who, were it not for the events in the movie, might well rise to Commissioner in his own time. Gordon, in other words, loves him. Sees him as a younger version of himself.

This is the central tension of the first half of the film. Or maybe Act One, I’m not sure how it would break yet. Gordon is protecting the Batman while trying at the same time to lead his men. Tension between him and his men, tension within Gordon himself. Because he sympathizes with them. Not only sympathizes with Gordon-Levitt, sees himself in the younger cop.

Levitt’s Lieutenant is after the Batman, believes he’s responsible for the deaths caused by Two-Face and is committed to bringing him in. And it should be clear to us, in the audience, that he’s good enough to do it. We may need an establishing action sequence were we see Gordon-Levitt on the job, cracking a very violent and complicated case. One that feeds back to Batman to close the loop and bring everything together.

We need to know three things about this character;

1: He’s highly moral. There’s no drama in his fall if we never believe he was an angel in the first place.

2: He’s tough. He might look young, and whip-thin, but his toughness is not entirely physical, it’s mental. He’s willing to do what has to be done, even it things get rough.

3: He’s smart.

There’s no tension if we don’t believe that Gordon-Levitt could really do it. And I want to make a character who could.

JGL is frustrated because Batman never shows up to thwart any of the bad guys JGL is chasing. Why doesn’t he? Because Gordon is tipping him off. Gordon is actively working to stop Batman and this hot-shot Lieutenant from meeting and probably it’s frustrating both of those two characters. JGL for obvious reasons, and Batman because he’s taken on the responsibility of protecting Gotham, but Gordon–who has that same responsibility and is one of the few people Batman trusts and who sympathizes with him–is thwarting him when before he aided him. So tension between Gordon and Batman.

Unable to force a direct confrontation through the obvious means of just arresting bad guys until the Batman shows up, and suspecting that someone on the force is feeding information to Batman, JGL decides to bypass whatever covert lines of communication exist between the Batman and the cops, and communicate directly with Batman.

He does this by first going deep into the casefile behind Gordon’s back. Maybe even stealing cases from other cops, more tension. Tension between JGL and his colleagues. He’s deceiving them, even though they’re all after the same thing. He’s taking their cases and leaking information about them directly to the Batman in the hopes that Batman will show up at the scene of a crime, and JGL will arrest him.

JGL opens his direct line of communication with Batman by publishing clues about the cases in the newspaper. In code. He hopes that Batman will see this, and decode the cypher, and arrive at the scene of the crime. Both characters, Batman and JGL, are effectively working to thwart Comissioner Gordon’s attempts to stop them from meeting. JGL deliberately, and Batman coincidentally. Does Batman suspect that the clues are coming from a cop? Maybe.

Note that at this point in the movie, we have plenty of tension and conflict, in spite of the fact that everyone is behaving rationally, and according to a strict moral code. There are no bad guys yet, but we’re rapidly coming to a point where the tensions must resolve, and good people will be forced to do terrible things. This is not only Christopher Nolan’s métier, it’s also the running theme of his Batman series.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s plan works. Batman does find the clues in the newspaper and does decode the cypher. Unfortunately, so do lots of other people. So Batman never shows up because the clues lead members of the press, other criminals, other cops to the scenes of the crimes.

JGL is convinced Batman is reading his messages in the newspaper. A mania is developing, but a shared mania, because Batman is reading the clues. JGL is simultaneously becoming more obsessed, and more right.

If his premise is correct (and we know it is) then the only solution is more complex cyphers, more complex clues. As he ratchets up the abstruseness of his clues, not only do fewer and fewer people decode them, he believes he’s developing a rapport with the Batman. Getting inside his head. Making clues only the Batman could solve means learning how to think like the Batman and in this, it means becoming like the Batman. JGL is going down the rabbit hole, but it’s the exact same rabbit hole Bruce Wayne went down. He’s moving toward an extreme existence, where men do terrible things to preserve what they believe in, but it’s exactly the same extremity Bruce Wayne was pushed to.

Unfortunately, JGL runs out of time. He runs out of cases. Gordon is on to him and without ever saying so publicly, because he cannot reveal either his connection to the Batman or the fact that he’s been protecting him, he starts denying JGL the time and resources he needs to covertly pursue this obsession.

JGL now has no choice. He’s so close to creating the perfect set of clues that only the Batman could decipher. He’s so close to drawing the Batman out, he knows he only needs one more shot.

Consumed by obsession and with no options left, he begins creating the crimes. Now he is really the Riddler. Now he’s become a villain who must be stopped. Innocent lives are at stake, and he put them there.

Probably he starts small. He puts someone in danger, probably an actual criminal, and creates a situation wherein the criminal can only be saved if Batman shows up. But Batman does not show up, and the criminal dies. JGL’s hands are now bloodied. This is the point of no return for him. He’s consumed with guilt. He was a good cop and he just killed an (technically) innocent man!

The only solution, the only thing that can relieve this guilt, is following through with his plan. Catching the Batman will justify it all. His set-up was too small-scale, he was too timid in his first attempt to create a crime, too afraid. Too much the Police Lieutenant. But now, armed with consuming guilt, he’s empowered to do something really terrible. Something large-scale. Something that puts the entire city of Gotham at risk. Gotham must be placed in danger because Gotham is Batman’s raison d’etre.

We are watching a good man unraveling before us. I think Joseph Gordon-Levitt would be perfect for that. His obsession with justice turns into just obsession. Everything else a means to an end. Like the Joker, he’s a mirror-image of Batman, but through a different mirror.

At this point, we leave the Riddler behind. We switch perspective to the Batman. JGL has disappeared and Gordon tells Batman everything he knows, what’s been happening. And now Batman must use all his skills, not as a fighter, but as a detective, to stop JGL before he kills again.

So…

Act One: The Lieutenant tries to catch the Batman using legitimate means. Ends with JGL hitting upon the idea of leaking clues about his casefile to Batman. At the end of Act One, we leave one level of obsession, and enter another.

Act Two: The Lieutenant follows through with his plan to communicate directly with the Batman, but is frustrated that the clues are never obscure enough. He runs out of cases, and must create his own crimes. When an innocent man dies, he becomes the Riddler, and we leave another level of obsession, and enter madness.

Act Three: The Batman tries to stop the Riddler.

I feel like this movie can only end with the death of Batman. This series can have no other logical conclusion. He must sacrifice himself to stop the Riddler, and this is something Bruce Wayne realizes must happen because otherwise there will just be more Riddlers. The only way Batman can save Gotham, is to give it up. Give up being Batman. Follow through the idea planted in the second movie that Batman’s only true function can be to inspire. Anything else begets obsession and destruction. Does this mean the death of Bruce Wayne? I leave that question for Christoper Nolan.

The Dark Knight sets an impossibly high bar, but I feel like it’s possible to create a film that stands on its own, while being in the same tradition and following the same themes as the first two movies.

Batman · Batman 3 · Christopher Nolan · Inception · Joseph Gordon-Levitt · The Riddler

I’m ditching the idea of putting the Kindle version up. I may reverse this decision if there’s a great hue and cry, but for the moment it’s a lot of work and I think to little end.

I don’t think a huge percentage of potential readers on the site will have a Kindle, and for them, converting the PDF is just as easy as me doing it. So the PDF version stays and people can monkey with that to suit their reading needs.

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The fact that sometimes I connect to wireless networks without even realizing it, and other times I can’t connect for no obvious reason means opening the Network Connections thingy on my laptop is always an adventure. Never the same twice. In this case, having connected in this spot previously, I wasn’t even aware I wasn’t online until I tried to look up a word.

That’s the main reason I’m online when I write, because I need to look up words. Not, I want to make clear, to check Facebook.

Being a writer in the fantasy genre means I am faced with problems I suspect other authors do not wot of. Rare is the time when I need to look up a word for something I know nothing about. If I knew nothing about it, how would I know there was a word for it? And I have a modestly large vocabulary to begin with. So, by definition, looking up a word is a frustrating process. Because the only words I ever need to look up are words for things I know exist, but do not know the name of. For instance… (more…)

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Geoff came up with the title of the Blog. He likes it and it’s kinda growing on us, which is dangerous because it’s probably stupid. There’s a well-known tendency in Dialog Recording called “Temp Love” whereby the people who need dialog in the game or movie or whatever right now just grab anyone at the developer and have them record the lines and use those until the real dialog comes in. It sounds terrible, but the people working on the project get used to it and then freak out when it changes and an actual actor is put in instead.

There may be some “Temp Love” going on here with the title.

Geoff likes it because in The Business, which is to say Hollywood, when an actor or director or very rarely a writer is bigger than the project he’s currently developing, the movie is referred to as “Untitled Will Smith Project.” In some cases, it’s known by that name for months after everyone knows the real title, because the real name is stupid, and Will Smith is obviously bigger than the movie.

It amuses Geoff to have an Untitled Matt Colville Project because my name is bigger than nothing and that’s the gag.

The subtitle is him quoting me in an IM discussion wherein I said…well, you can see what I said. I was casting about for Clever Names. I liked;

Deservedly Underrated

Because I thought it was a seemingly clever bit of nonsense. But I thought it was too cynical and he agreed.

I remembered Josh Friedman’s wildly popular blog, titled I Find Your Lack of Faith Disturbing. Probably given the quality of his content, any name would have been fine, but he picked that one because, he said, it was his favorite line of dialog.

I wondered “What is my favorite line of dialog?”

There are many contenders but the first one that struck me was one of the first lines in Deadwood.

“I may have fucked my life up flatter than hammered shit, but I stand here before you today beholden to no living cocksucker.”

Obviously that’s too long a title, I thought “Flatter Than Hammered Shit” would be a good title, but Geoff persuaded me out of it because he felt it perhaps gave the wrong impression about the content of blog.

So it remains The Untitled Matt Colville Project which I, a non-ironic fan of The Alan Parson’s Project, kinda like.

But we’re open to suggestions.

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I love writing. There are few things I love as much as sitting outside as the sun sets on a cool summer evening, having something artificially sweetened and heavily caffeinated, while I tappa-tappa-tappa on the Lappy.

The Lappy isn’t named yet. It should be. Windows annoyingly won’t let me give the Lappy a really long name like GSV The Anticipation of a New Lover’s Arrival.  And unfortunately the Internet has yet to attempt the mammoth task of cataloging the names of all the Gods and Elementals in the Eternal Champion books. And clearly I’m not going to name it something obvious like Arioch or Xiombarg. So for now it’s Lappy.

Now, the process I do not love. It’s work. It can be a lot of work. Trying to work out Why Something Happens, or Why This Doesn’t Happen. I’ve never had writer’s block, but I have had Outlining Block where I’ve stared at the outline for an hour trying to figure out why the Hero wouldn’t just shoot the guy he would obviously fucking shoot.

This is something I can talk about for, literally, hours and that’s a good indication I should under no circumstance do so. (more…)

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I wrote a book. A novel. A fantasy novel.

When I tell people this, the reactions vary wildly. Absolutely I get “well it’s about time,” as well as “I want to read it!” But equally absolutely, I get “why would you want to do that?” And “Well that was stupid.”

In many ways this experience is very like telling people I listen to Rush. You get the same spectrum and quality of response. And, like listening to Rush, I don’t think I could really enjoy the process if I didn’t completely understand and sympathize with all the responses. I think you either accept it all, the good and the bad, and just smile and shrug and say “what can you do?” Or you give up. And I’m not giving up. (more…)

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My doctorb is awesome. I love Dr. Brunner and I always look forward to seeing him.

I say this because, as a guy, going to the doctorb is notable. There’s a difference between men and women. At least one difference. Possibly more, but for the purposes of this post let’s stick with this one difference: guys don’t see doctorbs. Not as a rule.

Women see doctorbs. That’s the difference. A friend of mine said “I don’t understand why none of you guys ever go to the doctor!” She said “doctor” because she does not know the extra “b” is for “bargain.” I esplained.

“Larra,” I said, for such was her name, “you have to imagine what it’s like being a guy and 18,” which is when most of us learn this.

“First, there’s nothing wrong with you at 18. You feel great. You can do pretty much anything, for pretty much as long as you want, and then eat whatever you want or, alternatively, nothing for days and you don’t notice either way. Why on Earth would you go to a doctor? (more…)

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Four cats isn’t really four cats. If you have cats, you know this.

I go to Petsmart and the nice people there seem to enjoy chatting people up about their aminals. I try to remain coolly taciturn, but it’s hard when everyone in the store has brought their dogbeast with them. No one seems to bring catbeasts.

If you’re a sixty year old grandmother at PetSmart and this tallish, suntanned younger guy with great hair squeals “DOGGUMS!” You tend to smile proudly that someone is admiring your dog, albiet in a manner usually associated with 9 year old girls.

If, however, you’re a smoking-hot 20-something at Petsmart and this creepy, older, doughy white guy with great hair says “OMG Dee Oh Gee!” I think the situation is somewhat more complex.

Because the smoking-hot 20 something expects the attention. I mean she obviously expects the attention and certainly I wouldn’t normally mind giving it to her. At length. Several times a day with perhaps a 10 minute break now and then.

But she doesn’t expect me to ignore her and squeal quietly over her dog. Without fail the diabolically hot girl looks around. I don’t know why this is, because I am clearly reacting to a dog and she must know she has a dog with her, but I think she’s so used to being the center of attention that when someone of the otherwise appropriate sex seems not only to be ignoring her gender but her species as well, it’s disorientating. Maybe she’s not actually looking around, but turning her head left and right because she’s momentarily lost her balance and thinks it’s an inner ear thing.

I buy Feline Pine for litter and even though they sell it at PetSmart, the nice young ladies who scans my items are always astonished by it. They’ve never seen it before. The boxes are so light compared to clay litter they ask if the boxes are empty. Probably they’re being facetious. I started on the Feline Pine when one of my cats, Brain, was irradiated and became The Nuclear Cat for 12 days. But that’s another story.

They ask, they always ask, how many cats I have.

“I have four cats,” I say.

“That’s a lot of cats!” I usually get.

“Nah,” I say. And then explain Cat Math.

One cat is obviously one cat.

But two cats is really only a cat and a half. Cats are clean and lazy and mostly entertain themselves. Except for Blackitty, but that’s another story.

Three cats is basically 2 cats, and 4 cats is about 3 cats. Maybe less.

Dogs are different. It’s not clear to me that One Dog is even One Dog, I think One Dog is a dog and a half.

Two dogs is really three dogs, and three dogs is maybe 5.

The thing with dogs though is that once you get to around 5 dogs you get a Pack. I mean, technically one dog is a pack because you are the rest of the pack, but you only see dogs settle down mathematically once you hit 4 – 5 dogs in which case you’ve turned the Difficulty Level up high enough that you start to see some really sophisticated behavior from the Dog AI.

So now you know Cat Math and if someone says they have 4 cats you’ll know that’s not like saying they have 4 dogs. I can show you on your calculator where the C/D conversion button is, if you’d like.

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The subject: “evil masterminds whose plans don’t actually amount to much.”

Thinking purely of the original three Star Wars movies, do we see the Empire do anything other than oppress the Rebellion? They blow up a planet to scare people who might be helping the Alliance. They kill members of the Alliance, people who help them.

But imagine there was no Rebel Alliance. What is the Empire’s plan? What do they want? As far as we call tell, apart from disbanding the galactic senate (which happens before the first movie) while leaving the planetary governors in charge, do they declare war on anyone? Commit genocide? Oppress any minorities or religious groups? I guess it’s illegal to be a Jedi. But do we see them take any action against anyone that isn’t a reaction to or attack against the Rebellion? Do they even talk about doing anything to anyone else? Who would they go to war WITH?

If you’re a hoopoople peddler in Mandanar Square selling your wares to the Blue Haffaneese, do you notice any difference in your day to day life?

Or, to put it another way; we know the Empire was evil. We know they were ruthless and willing to kill anyone to acheive their ends. Apart from “take over, crush the rebellion” what were those ends?

More to the point; why hasn’t it ever seemed strange to me

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